Why Your Self-Esteem is in the Toilet (And How C-PTSD Plays a Role)

You look at other people and wonder how they just... believe good things about themselves. They accept compliments without immediately thinking the person is lying. They try new things without spiraling into "I'm going to fail at this because I'm fundamentally incapable." They seem to have some baseline sense of "I'm okay" that you've just never had.

If you have C-PTSD, low self-esteem probably isn't news to you. But understanding why it's so low—and why it's so hard to change—might help you realize this isn't a character flaw.

It's a wound that formed when you were too young to protect yourself from it.

The Inner Critic That Won't Shut Up

Many people with C-PTSD struggle deeply with self-esteem, and it's not because there's something inherently wrong with them. One of the biggest reasons is the development of a very strong inner critic.

This inner critic often forms in childhood, usually through repeated messages from parents or caregivers that were critical, minimizing, dismissive, or emotionally neglectful. Sometimes this comes from overt meanness or bullying, and other times it comes from what wasn't said or given.

That second part is pretty important: emotional neglect plays a huge role in low self-esteem.

When a child consistently does things well but rarely receives praise, encouragement, or recognition, they don't build a sense of internal worth. 

If, on the other hand, they're quickly criticized, shamed, or spoken down to when they make mistakes or fail to meet expectations, the message becomes clear: love and approval are conditional. Enter: your low self-esteem.

You Needed Someone to Believe in You

Children need someone in their life who builds them up and reflects back that they are capable, lovable, and worthy. Self-esteem doesn't come from nowhere—it develops because, at some point, caregivers communicate (directly or indirectly) that the child is valuable and believed in.

Adults who didn't receive that foundation often grow up feeling incapable, unintelligent, unattractive, or unable to handle hard things—not because it's true, but because they were never told otherwise. 

Without that early foundation, people with C-PTSD often doubt their abilities, second-guess themselves, and feel like they can't trust their own perceptions. They may genuinely struggle to believe they are competent or deserving, even when there is clear evidence to the contrary.

Self-Esteem, C-PTSD, and Why Compliments Never Land

Another major issue tied to low self-esteem is relying heavily on other people for validation. When you don't believe good things about yourself, you often outsource your sense of worth to others.

Except compliments don't land, or they feel suspicious. If someone says "You're smart" or "You're attractive," it may be dismissed as lying, manipulation, or having an ulterior motive. 

This happens because the internal narrative is already set—and anything that contradicts it feels unsafe or unbelievable.

You desperately want people to tell you you're worthy, but when they do, you don't believe them. It's an exhausting cycle.

The Negativity Bias You Didn't Choose

People with C-PTSD often have a negativity bias rooted in childhood experiences. That negativity isn't a realistic assessment of who you are—it's a reflection of how you were treated.

The people who shaped your self-image often didn't have an accurate or healthy understanding of you either. Maybe they were dealing with their own trauma, mental health issues, or limitations. Maybe they were just shitty parents.

Either way, the story they told you about yourself wasn't true—but you internalized it anyway because you were a kid and didn't have a choice.

For people with low self-esteem stemming from C-PTSD, negative traits tend to overshadow everything else. You can accomplish something significant and immediately focus on the one thing you could have done better. You can receive ten compliments and one criticism, and guess which one you'll think about for the next three days?

How Therapy Helps Rebuild Self-Esteem and Work Through C-PTSD

In therapy, one of the ways low self-esteem is addressed is by slowly and intentionally rebuilding a realistic sense of self. This includes identifying strengths, naming accomplishments, and developing a fuller picture of who you actually are—not just the negative story you learned early on.

This isn't about sugarcoating or pretending flaws don't exist. Everyone has weaknesses. But the goal is to develop a balanced view where you can acknowledge both strengths and areas for growth without your entire identity being defined by criticism and deficiency.

Therapy becomes a place to rebuild your understanding of yourself from the ground up, replacing inherited narratives with something more grounded, compassionate, and real.

Over time, this work helps you stop seeing yourself only through the lens of what's wrong with you and start recognizing what's actually true about you.

You're Not Broken.

Your low self-esteem isn't proof that you're fundamentally flawed—it's evidence that you didn't get what you needed when your sense of self was forming. That's not your fault, and it doesn't have to be permanent.

Struggling with low self-esteem and think C-PTSD might be playing a role? We're here to help you understand where it comes from and how to heal it. Reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to explore how trauma therapy can support you.